Love is...

Brittany + Tim | Love Story from Redmond Digital Media on Vimeo.

A few weeks ago, friends Mycah and Bobby shot some video of Tim and I to use as a promo for Redmond Digital Media's new "love story" videos. I love their whimsical and moody photographic style; it's so timeless compared to some of the other photography "styles" you see you there (Check out some of their other work on their website and blog)! They shot some digital and film photos as well, and I'm excited to see how those came out once the film's been developed :)

As we walked through fields hand in hand and followed some of their direction, it inevitably brought us back to our engagement photo shoots (here and here), as well as the shoot we did for the 2013 photography conference (shown here and here). So much has changed since then! 

It's been interesting to see how our definition of "love" has changed in the two and a half years we've been married. It is of course the actions spoken of in the Bible, but it's proven to be a much more multifaceted beast. So that got me thinking: what is love to us now?

Love has been a challenge, and yet it the pursuit of true unconditional love is one of the most rewarding endeavors we have ever experienced. We try and fail all the time, but we're continually learning and growing and getting better and better.

Love is putting another person's wants and needs above your own. Making choices with the other person's best interests in mind. Thinking of them before yourself. We try to strive for this, knowing full well that we are selfish creatures and that selflessness doesn't come easily.

Love is complete vulnerability. This is a double-edged sword; the more you open up to someone, the easier it is for them to hurt you. The process of opening up is showing the person you trust them not to hurt you. We do not naturally expose our soft under-bellies to others, particularly those who have the largest capacity to hurt us. Love does NOT mean that you will not be hurt; on the contrary, since we are selfish creatures (see above) we do hurt those who are closest to us. Terrible, but true.

Love is a choice. Every day, I decide (whether inadvertently or deliberately) to love Tim in this way or to act in selfishness or contempt or even indifference.  He, too, chooses how he will treat me. It is not my fault or responsibility if Tim chooses one way or the other, nor is it his fault or responsibility which way I choose. It's all up to the chooser. Although it is difficult, my choice should be independent of his choices, and vice-versa.

Here's the biggest one, though: Love is also forgiveness and reconciliation. We fail all the time. There's no way getting around it. We're mean, we're insensitive, we're defensive, we're hurtful, we're selfish. We choose to be this way.

Do we stay angry? Or do we allow that anger to develop into hurt, which blossoms into closeness? I, for one, hope for the latter. 

Done right, love makes us into better people. We are more whole, more real, more raw. Sure, it can be awkward and uncomfortable, but that's when we learn the most, right? And the best part: love isn't just restricted to romantic relationships. That part should be obvious, but if I were to admit it I don't always act this way towards my family and friends. How much better of a world would we have if we strove for this kind of love in ALL of our relationships? Just a thought. I don't mean to be preachy, but this has been on my mind for awhile. 

What do you think? What is love to you?